to the asshole who saw my blinker going and sped up...

what the fuck is your problem? you didn't even get off at the exit i was trying to get to!

to the asshole who almost hit me when i was about to pull into 7-11, and then again after i stopped and was about to go through...

what the fuck was your problem? i had the right away. you would have known that if you weren't an asshole.

to the asshole who left a huge gap for me to merge into on the freeway, only to honk at me as i merged...

what the fuck was your problem? you were in the right lane, you're supposed to let me on the freeway.

you will look for me and i'll be gone

someone who won't leave me feeling

and lord knows i've been thrice disappointed today.

and heard in:

it's not somebody who's seen the light

i don't know when to speak out
i don't know when to shut up
i don't know when i'm beat down
i don't know how to fit in
so, what use am i to you?
not much.

It's Whatever

i'm an idiot
and i'm a fool
and i wish i could be cruel
just like evrybody else

so, i write songs. matter of fact, i'm working on a musical. dunno how it's going to come together, but here are some songs i've written for it:

you’re so mean
you’re so cruel
And I’m such a goddamn fool
To love you
The way I do

I suffer each and everyday
Try and cry as I may
Deep in my bones
you’ll stay

I bear your cross
And I bear mine
And I breakdown all the time
From carrying
such a heavy load

Suffering in this misery
I can’t eat and I can’t sleep
Cuz if I do
I dream of you
With someone new

you’re so mean
you’re so cruel
you see me on my knees
pleading for clemency
I kick and scream
For you to release me

I suffer each and everyday
Try and cry as I may
Deep in my bones
you’ll stay

I wish I could forget you
I wish I never met you
You lied to me
You lied so sweet

You’re in my bones
This pain won’t go away
Until you’re home

Oh, please come home
Just please come home
I’ll be good, I’ll sweet
Anything you want, I’ll be
Just come on home.
Come back home.
Please come home.

here's a country and western version of it:
You’re in my bones
I try to drain you out
Through my teary eyes
And runny nose

But you’re in my bones
It’s a prison in my skin
I fight so hard
And rave so long
Up against them cold, iron bars

Locked up in my misery
Stomach too tight
And I can’t eat
I just weep myself to sleep
But all I ever seem to do
is dream of you
With someone new

Stay up all night and cry
Wishing that I could die
Lie down in the road and die

And you’re so meanAnd you’re so cruel
And I’m such a doggone fool
To give my heart
To a heartless man like you

I saw you only yesterday
With another girl,
you couldn’t wait
Until my eyes had dried

Cried so hard, I was blind
I could barely find
my way on home
Threw myself down on my bed
Cried until my eyes turned red
Thinking of all the things you’ve said
All those sweet nothings
and pretty little lies

Has she heard them yet?
Or did she get a different set of trickery?
You lied to me
You lied so sweet

And you’re so mean
And you’re so cruel
And I’m such a doggone fool
To give my heart
To a heartless man like you
But you’re in my bones
Gimme back my heart
I’ll rip that wretched thing apart
And scatter those pieces in the wind
Cuz I never wanna love again

And you’re so mean
And you’re so cruel
And I’m such a doggone fool
To give my heart
To a heartless man like you

here's another, i don't think it's done yet:
All the boys I loved before
They don’t love me anymore
And I guess I only got myself to blame

I love too hard
And it always hurts the worst
Stuck suffering in my pain
Left shivering in the rain
All alone, waiting for the train

Gotta catch my train
Won’t miss my train
Can’t miss my train
Gotta catch my train

All the boys I loved before
They don’t love me anymore
But why the hell should I give a fuck about that?
I crossed my arms and turned my back
Waiting for my train to leave the track

I can’t miss my train
Won’t miss my train
Can’t miss my train
Won’t miss my train

All the boys I loved before
I don’t love them anymore
I’ve been laughing through my pain
Go out dancing in the rain
Bought a one-way for the train

I can’t miss my train
Won’t miss my train
Can’t miss my train
Won’t miss my train

so, what do you think? what say you, boo?

No, You Don't Know

Tom Petty - You Don't Know How it Feels
Uploaded by PigLips. - See the latest featured music videos.

Phone Phobia

i think i have something of one. is it weird i get a little scared when my phone rings? i really don't care to use the phone at all; afraid i'll dial the wrong number. i'm pretty sure i know the cause of it, but still. anybody else got this?

Past-ing Thought

i gave you a piece of myself, my insecurity, so that you could be secure with yourself with the knowledge that there is a girl who hates herself just the way you hate yourself. i did that because we were friends.

Blue Haikus

I am only ripe
and fertile to bear bitter
fruit for you to eat

if i could, i would
sacrifice my pride, but then
i would have nothing

i never knew hate
until i knew you and now
it is all i know

you'll fly far, my dear
darling, but please don't fly too
far and forget me

you purr for me so
sweetly, my little pretty
kitty pussycat

i am the troll who
lives under the bridge and scares
the poor billy goats

bitch, i've got no time
to hear you crying on the
phone, so just shut up

that spider in his
web watches all that i do,
his eight eyes transfixed

school is the bitch that
habitually beats my
ass. she can get fucked.

that boy is very
good-looking, but he doesn't
look at me. pity

"BITCHS GET NO WHER"
was written on the bus seat
I don't think that's true

no one told me
that i'm a fancy clown. That's
why they laugh at me

all the spiders in
my stomach started to crawl
around inside me

i can't stand it when
that spider crawls all around
my back. drives me nuts

He hit me - it felt like a Kiss

we both know 

Glamour is a Rocky Road

walked with no shoes

a heavy cross

a broken heart

a bloody nose

we both know

Glamour is a Rocky Road

paved with good intentions

broken bones

shards of glass

reflecting our insecurities

we both know 

Glamour is a Rocky Road

but we made it through,

Me and You.

Kissing, kissing, that's what I been Missing

i miss your kisses, babydoll
i hang your pictures on my wall
i light candles everyday
when i get on my knees to pray
that you’re OK.

Pop if Ya Wanna!

my knife isn’t as sharp as yours.
my cuts aren’t as clean or keen.
my bark is worse than my bite.
i bleed and bruise easily.
i never said i was tough,
but i never run from a fight.

Mucho Gusto, Es un Placer

My name is _______,
i cry when i’m frustrated
i’m giddy when i’m sleepy
i don’t think i’m anything special, but try to walk over me and
i’ll stomp you out
i’m not selling cheap
i might be depressed
i’m horny when i’m sleepy
i want to please you, it’s important to me
i will one day because i want to
i think life would be easier sometimes if i were prettier
i think people would be nicer
i’m grumpy when i’m sleepy
i'm hard on myself
i'm not a child, in spite of how i act sometimes, though
i am a brat
“i want to trust you” is what i meant to say
i don’t say much cuz
i never know when to shut up and
i never say the right things
i’m not too bright but
i’m not that dumb
i don’t know how to fight, but
i still try
i don’t feel like i’m good enough sometimes and don’t think
i deserve happiness, but
i know better than that and
i will get what i want.

nice to meet you, nice to meet you, nice to meet you.

five and twenty +

Here are my 25 random things, with 5 bonuses:

• 1.Most of the time, I consider myself a camera, so I might move myself around to “get a better shot” of someone or change the “composition.”
• 2. I miss writing terribly.
• 3. I think in pictures, or moving images, but when I see someone or something, I think about how I would describe them/it into words.
• 4. When I was younger, I would be scared to walk past the dining room table because it has a long tablecloth over it and I thought a big spider monster was under it. One day, I “stood up” to it and told it point-blank that if it wanted to do something to me, it could. After awhile when, of course, nothing happened, I realized I wasn’t scared anymore. However, I haven’t worked up the courage to tell that to the crazy, killer zombie living in my closet.
• 5. I’m an optimist trapped in a pessimist’s body.
• 6. I’m an extrovert trapped in an introvert’s body.
• 7. I hate film critics. I think it’s a waste of a “career.” Everybody’s got an opinion, what makes yours so special? Most of them are pretentious snobs anyway.
• 8. I’ve come to realize that it’s hard not to be a bit pretentious when talking about film.
• 9. I’m not party person. I’ll go, but there’s usually nothing for me to do.
• 10. I like to sleep without socks on.
• 11. All of my scripts are written and kept in my head. I have about five in there right now. I edit them all the time.
• 12. I don’t like to cry, especially in front of people. I don’t like when people cry in front of me. I never know what to do.
• 13. Coffee is becoming a large part of my food pyramid.
• 14. I love Coca-Cola, in all variations and products.
• 15. I don’t even think caffeine works on me anymore. As a matter of fact, I like to drink coffee before a nap.
• 16. I think vampires are glorified zombies. And zombies seem more realistic to me.
• 17. I get offended at the lack of reaction when I tell ppl I’m going into film.
• 18. I really like hands; they’re fascinating.
• 19. I also like the sound of typing.
• 20. Not to sound creepy, I like to touch my friends. So if I like you enough, I’ll just reach out and tap your nose or poke you in the back.
• 21. I don’t have a favorite color, but lately it’s been a certain shade of blue.
• 22. It kinda bothers me when people tell me they think I’m smart.
• 23. I like boxes of chocolates, especially the boxes.
• 24. I miss Animaniacs.
• 25. I have “housewife” fantasies and they’re not sexual #most of the time# Mainly, I like the idea of doing housework and taking care of children, waiting for my husband to come home, greeting him at the door, making dinner while he tells me about his good or shitty day.
• 26. I used to not like pancakes, but ever since I’ve been eating breakfast at school, I’ve become addicted to them.
• 27. I really like musicals; in my mind, I can sing and dance.
• 28. I like the way I smell.
• 29. I don’t like to go to bed early; I think that’s why I procrastinate.
• 30. The smell of wheat toast reminds me of my childhood.

OMG

This baby has what I have!

It's kinda weird, but sometimes I forget about my birthmark, but then again, I don't really. Like, I know it's there, but I don't think about it too much. Only mostly when I'm in public and I catch someone looking at me or I'll be talking with someone and their eyes linger for a second or three. I have a brief moment of "What are they--OH, right." It doesn't really bother me because I know it's not everyday you see someone with a large, dark, mole on their face. I know because I haven't seen anybody in person, or in the media for that matter, with anything like what I have. That being said, I also know that there are ppl out there that do have what I have. However, a lot of ppl cover their birthmarks. I can understand why, but I don't see the point. I mean, eventually, hopefully, you're gonna meet somebody and have an intimate relationship and they're going to see you without the makeup, so why hide it? I don't think ppl should do that, it's a part of who you are and also, it adds to diversity. I'm just a big believer in not changing what doesn't need to be changed. If it isn't a health concern, leave it alone.

Sometimes I wonder how it would be if I didn't have it; it wouldn't be a big whoop, I'd look exactly like my sister. I always sorta thought maybe it is a good thing I have a birthmark, so ppl can tell us apart, but it turns out it's not much help.

It's not like life is bad with it, I just get looked at and occasionally asked about it. When I do get asked, I have the thought of acting like I don't know what they're talking about, but I always forget. When I was younger, little kids would ask me how the time, now it's gotten rare. Sometimes ppl would ask if it hurts and even rarer, if they could touch it.

I do feel a little reluctant to show ppl my pictures over the internet, though. Y'know any picture posted out there for anyone to see is subject to cruelty, but as ugly as I feel sometimes (strangely, that's unrelated to the birthmark), ppl think I'm good-looking. Or at least have the common decency not to tell me I'm a troll.

Anyway, he's an orphan and the foster home he's in has a lot of videos of the other orphans. They're cute, but it's kinda sad because some of them have defects. I know maybe their parents gave them away because they couldn't handle them financially, but it's really heartbreaking to think about. Here are some other videos:






Oh yeah, Ewan McGregor got his mole removed. I thought it was cute. :(

Have You Ever...

wanted to get in a fight, just so you could lose, in the hopes that whatever you lost would come back to you?

saw somebody so good-looking that it made you ashamed of your face, your ugliness?

heard a song that spoke to you or it was so beautiful that it brought you to tears or made you tingle?

This happens to me, but has it ever happened to you?